Have you ever been to a silent retreat? I have not, but I have been told that it can be a powerful and enlightening experience. I have also been told that it is not easy.
During our first hard pandemic lockdown, I took an online course called Inner Engineering, created by Sadhguru from the Isha Foundation. Let me state right now that I am not someone who follows any specific belief system, and this course offered a non-religious approach, so, I decided to give it a try… and I am so pleased I did because doing the course did me a lot of good. I learnt so much that I now apply in my life every day. If you are interested in this specific course, the link is down below, however, I am not going to speak about the whole course in this post, but during it, it was suggested that I try a period of silence – within my own home. One could try for an entire day, or just begin with six hours from wake up. I chose the six hours – and man alive, it was a life changing moment – even with only six hours! Let me share what happened.
I told my family – we were five in the house then – that the next day, I was not going to utter a word from wake-up until approximately 13h00. Not a word, not a sound; to others or myself. Self-chatter, humming, or even sighing aloud had to be muted. Have you noticed how many of us talk to ourselves aloud, or hum as we go about our day? Well not for me on this day – only complete silence! My family supported my announcement, with a bit of a giggle because it sounded so absurd (and I don’t think they thought I could), and it was tricky trying to explain why I wanted to do this to my youngest – he was 7 years old. Alas, they were warned and so I tried. The thing with this exercise is that it is not just about keeping your voice box silent. You must remove all artificial ‘entertainment or distraction’ from your space too. So – no cell phone, no computer, no television, no books etc. The idea is to manage to sit with yourself and not entertain yourself with technology etc.
Now normally when people do this in a retreat, they are surrounded by people doing the exact same thing at the same time. The way I picture it, is people wandering around beautiful gardens, sitting on meditation mats, and smelling flowers. Is it like this? Maybe, maybe not – however, in your own home, doing this alone, no one else is stopping what they are doing. Everyone is still talking and interacting with one another, and rightly, getting on with their day. So – here is where I found this journey most fascinating. There is no doubt in my mind that a longer stay of silence would be even more powerful; and one shared in a sacred space catering for the silence, like in a retreat, would be potentially life changing – but this exercise as I did it, was most surprising.
First, to wake up and look outside to see that the sun was rising without looking at the time was weird for a second – and then quite liberating. I had instantly freed myself from the bind of time. When I got myself ready for the day and then joined the others in our communal area to make myself breakfast, everyone greeted me, but also showed immediate discomfort at the ‘weirdness of my silence’. My daughter said: I don’t know if I like this mom, it’s strange. I could not answer. So I smiled and shrugged.
It was then quite strange to not pick up my phone and check what was happening in my social media feeds. This too – especially at that moment in time, when the world was in a crazy turmoil of the beginning of the global covid19 pandemic – was mentally halting. It is very healthy to take a break from ‘news’ on our phones and televisions. Given that nowadays we get instant info all the time – we are also bombarded beyond measure… and often with ‘fear mongering’ catch lines. I, like many people at that time, felt the anxiety of the times. So, unable to reach for my phone was a blessing of profound measure. I was getting a break from the ‘very important’ news I usually consumed in a day. It may seem like a small break – only 6 hours – but if you think about how often you check what’s happening on your phone, answer a phone call, or respond to a notification bell from morning coffee to lunchtime, I think you will be unpleasantly surprised. This was something that I became acutely aware of within the first hour of my silence. I had also put my phone on silence – so I was not bothered with notification bells.
So I sat outside for a while with my coffee and actively observed the day unfolding. After a few hours everything began to change. My ears were picking up subtle sounds that normally get drowned out by your ‘own’ activity. The colours of the day and of objects became more noticeable. I turned my attention to the smells around me – those too became more distinct, and I paid more attention to the feel of what my hands touched. As for eating – I was taking my time. The meal became a mini meditation – flavours more distinct, appreciation for my food at the forefront of my mind. But all the above was not the most profound thing I experienced.
As I was listening to my family interact with one another around me, several times during my 6-hour stint, I found my self wanting to react verbally. In a split second I realised that I could not and then the most powerful realisation happened. I realised that in that instant, ordinarily I would have reacted; I would have said something. Now, by not being able to, I realised that ‘I did not have to’! In fact, by not reacting, I was actively listening and on a deeper level. When the sentence that I would have said passed through my head, I got to analyse it. I asked myself, well, if I was able to respond in that split second, would it have mattered? Would what I said have made a difference right then? And then I realised probably not. A resounding ‘it would not at all’ most of the time. In fact, by keeping quiet on a subject unfolding around me, I was allowing those interacting to ‘get on with it’ without my influence, and if I really felt that I needed to add to it, it would probably be far more helpful to offer it at a later stage – once well processed. In other words, all of what I could have said, most of the time did not need to be said, and if it did – offering it well after the fact, would have a better and more positive impact. Conversations that I would have been having with others, became conversations with myself. This process allowed me to see that a lot of what we say is not valuable, to ourselves or others… for the most part.
We are very reactive. We are also very argumentative and opinionated. Most of us speak too much and do not listen enough. This exercise taught me the value of listening and it was a liberating gain. I got to see that those around me use too many words, to say not enough. And beside those precious 6 hours – I too was doing the same. Think about those old wise men and women we know. They do not speak much at all. They listen… and then when they speak, they say such valuable things that everyone stops to listen. When we remove the clutter of our reactive voices and the noise of our modern devises – this becomes apparent. In the short 6 hours of doing this, I learnt that the saying ‘silence is golden’ really is! There were moments of discomfort – but they passed – each time offering a gift before departing.
I will definitely try this again – but I will do a full day from wakeup to sleep. In our modern lives, with us being so busy all the time, one needs to prepare such a day. We cant exactly try this when at the office – I dont think a postit stuck to our backs explaining our ‘personal silent retreat’ would go down a treat – “Dear Boss, I cannot answer your phone, work on the computer, or order your special coffee today. Sorry – I am on Silence”. Okay – so we have to be home, and our calander needs to be free. Anyway… from my experience of only half a day, I am going to prepare a full one. I cannot recommend this exercise enough. It is powerful, it is liberating, it is teaching, and it leaves you feeling more peaceful than any other ‘practice’ of good health available… and its free.
If I have still not convinced you to try this out, here are a list of benefits you will gain:
- You will find more profound thoughts
- Helps strengthen relationships
- Increases creativity
- improves communication skills
- you gain an understanding of mindfullness
- You gain more patience
- You give yourself a mental detoxification
- Helps you discover what is important
- Helps you make order out of chaos
- Helps you gain spiritual renewal
- Reduces stress
- Lowers blood pressure, decreases heart rate, reduces muscle tention, and increases focus and cognition
Now if that’s not all a gain?
For more information from others, here are a few links to cool articles about this:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-hidden-benefits-of-silence#1
https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-reasons-why-you-need-quiet-time#1
“If you touch the still core within yourself, you will touch the original nature of your existence.” Sadhguru.
Here below if the link to the course I followed – and loved: